Another handsome and promising stranger took his own life yesterday after he snapped his final dawn and posted it as Instagram story at 6.38am (it might be gone at anytime soon from now). Since the identity is revealed by press, I took hours at midnight to browse his past 10 years on social media.
What read can’t be unread. I can’t get over the sadness and the sense of loss. As there are still a workday and a short buddy getaway ahead, I need a quick fix to contain (or better, to digest) the emotions without much luxury of time.
While commuting, I wrote down these approaches:
- Brainwash myself that outliving a suicide victim makes me outshine him, regardless of how outstanding he was compared to me.
- Force myself to hit the gym, no matter how sleep-deprived I am (after browsing his profiles for hours) and how short the remaining time I have (before work). Getting closer to the physique that I am always eager for makes me feel better.
- Pack myself with tasks at work today. The first thing in office is to make a to-do list.
- Constantly remind myself not to affect the people around me with my emotions. My colleagues have work plans to complete, and travel buddy is not paying to be a counsellor in a ruined trip.
- Write this post. It helps me to reorganize my mindset and vent things off my chest.
- Clock more sleep time whenever I could today. Lack of sleep makes me irritable and vulnerable to illness. (Well, I am supposed to take a nap while commuting, but upon finishing this whole string of texts, I’ve reached gym).
In short, I really hate how easy I can be swayed by people’s demise. Shall update again today if there is improvement/deterioration.
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